Computer Executed for Un-Socialist Behavior

30 June 2010 § Leave a comment

The NoviStar 5500 executed this afternoon by the State Security Service.

Revodna, Palace of the People, 5 p.m. — Following a short hearing by the Computer Security Bureau of the State Security Service this afternoon, the NoviStar 5500 computer used by the Central Committee for Socialist Statistics was sentenced to death, according to [name withheld], spokeswoman for the CSB.

“This particular model, number 5H295773FGHI13300D-1-A, refused to return the proper statistics for meat production. Statisticians had already determined that the latest production figure for first quarter meat production were 5,500 metric tons. The computer, however, consistently returned only 5,500 pounds for the first quarter. After every effort was made to convince the computer to return the proper figure, it was brought up on charges before the CSB. In the spirit of socialism, sentence was pronounced quickly and carried out immediately after.”

The remains of the computer will be put on display in the Un-Socialist Museum inside the Palace of the People.

Two statisticians were also executed.


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