Dear Leader Praises Leadership of Vice-Chairman

20 September 2007 § Leave a comment


North Korean Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il Praises Koskovia

Revodna, 7 a.m. — North Korean Dear Leader and stalwart Koskovian ally Kim Jong-Il send his congratulations to Vice-Chairman Kulik this morning. The Dear Leader, Friend to All Children, Chosen One, and Defier of the Capitalist Cabals praised the staunch and stalward leadership of Vice-Chairman Kulik while President and Chairman Vladik continues to recover from his recent surgery.

“The Revolutionary State of Korea and its Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il, Chairman of the National Defense Commission of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Supreme Commander of the North Korean People’s Army, and General Secretary of the Korean Workers’ Party, sends his hearty congratulations to Vice-Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of People’s Deputies of the People’s Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia!

The great people of the DPRK send a million good wishes to the good people of Koskovia in their valiant and completely legitimate and legal struggle against the fascist regime in Dictarabistan! While the DPRK has been supplying Dictarabistan with weapons for many years, since the start of the war, the factories of the DPRK have been certain to send mostly defective equipment! (We tried to get out of the contract with the government of Dictarabistan, but could find no legal way to do so. Sorry.)” 

Vice-Chairman Kulik — who recently moved into the main office suite used by President and Chairman Vladik in the Palace of the People in order to facilitate the smooth and efficient functioning of government in the President’s absence — issued a heart-felt thank you to the Dear Leader and people of the DPRK for their warm words and unending support.

Kulik, meeting with the reporter from StateTV1, StateRadio1, and The Daily Truth in his new office, then turned to the subject of the war with Dictarabistan. He explained that the war was proceeding very well. Not a single Koskovian solider has been lost (despite reports to the contrary from the former chairman* of the Central Committee of the War Graves Commission), and over 17 million enemy combatants have been killed! Kulik predicted that the remaining resistance within Dictarabistan will collapse within a few months, and Koskovia will once again have secured its vital supply of cubic zirconia!

All Hail Vice-Chairman Kulik’s leadership in these times of great struggle! Oh, and let’s all be thankful for President and Chairman Vladik and hope for a quick recovery.


*Milos Yanuga, the former chairman on the CCWGC, died of an apparent heart-attack shortly after giving an unauthorized interview with StateTV1 last Monday. Unfortunately, at exactly the same moment, his wife and four children, aged from 3 to 9, all died of heart-attacks as well. The explosion due to a gas leak thus had nothing to with their deaths, according to the chairman of the Central Committee of Autopsy Reports.

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