19 March 2007 § Leave a comment
Vice-Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies Josef Kulik, following the vote to authorize war against Dictarabistan.
President and Chairman Vladik addresses the nation about the state of war.
Revodna, 8 p.m. — In a nationally-televised addressed this evening, President and Chairman Vladik announced that a state of war now existed between the PFDRK and Dictarabistan!
Vice-Chairman of the ECCCCPD Josef Kulik has pushed for the declaration for several days now, and President and Chairman Vladik accepted the wisdom of his argument. The Vice-Chairman then orchestrated the passage of a formal Declaration of War by the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies, which passed 299-1. The lone hold out, Peoples’ Deputy Ungar Yavlik of Scoria Constituency, argued agains the measure He then died suddenly following the vote after accidentially cutting his head off in the men’s room. Another vote was then taken, which was unanimous!
Vice-Chairman Kulik then immediately introduced legislation to further the war effort. The CPD passed the “Uniting and Strengthening Koskovia by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Dictarabistan Act of 2007*,” known as the “Koskovian Patriot Act” by 299-0 (remember, on Deputy had died earlier) which granted new powers to the Executive Council and the State Security Service to ensure the protection of all citizens of Koskovia during this time of crisis. These provisions include:
• Expanded use of electronic surveillance
• Expanded options for physical searches of persons
• Greater access to the personal records of any citizen suspected of aiding the enemy or of not supporting the war
• Authorizing the use of extra-constitutional Military Tribunals to try and convict enemy agents
• Imprisonment of enemy combatants in bases on foreign soil
Clearly the Koskovian Patriot Act will aid in the prosecution of the war to destroy the vile agents of Dictarabistan!
President and Chairman Vladik and Vice-Chairman Kulik jointly authorized the Koskovian Air Force to begin bombing raids at 6 p.m. today. Koskovian troops will move into Dictarabistan as soon as is possible.
All hail our brave leaders in their fight against the enemies of Koskovia!
*The actual title of the USA Patriot Act is: “Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act of 2001,” if you can believe it!