Ministry Blog Back Online!
5 March 2007 § Leave a comment
Minister of Information Rudiger Slezak
Greetings to one and all!
Recently this blog — maintained by the Ministry of Information of the PFDRK — was taken off-line due to technical difficulties.
This down-time HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY SO-CALLED “REPORTS” OF INTERNAL DISSENT, COUPS, ATTEMPTED COUPS, OR MASS PURGES IN THE GOVERNMENT OF KOSKOVIA!
Such reports are nothing more than fasco-capitalist propaganda, despite any evidence to the contrary (and the BBC reports you may have illegally heard over the wireless when the jamming stations failed briefly last month).
President of the Republic and Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies MLADIK VLADIK remains firmly in control. IT IS NOT TRUE THAT HE WAS PLACED BRIEFLY UNDER HOUSE-ARREST IN JANUARY! He did not appear in public for six weeks because he stayed in his office night and day working on government affairs (he didn’t even leave to use the rest room!)
The fact that there have been seven Ministers of Information since September is simply bad luck: three committed accidental suicide; two died of cancer; one had an unfortunate fall from the top of the State Security Service Headquarters; and the most recent accidentally stepped in front of a speeding train at 3:48 a.m. last Tuesday.
The REAL reason this website has been offline is because a comrade janitor at the Ministry accidentally unplugged the server. He has apologized, and is now vacationing in North Korea and certainly cannot be reached for comment or questioning until he returns sometime next year.
The current Minister of Information, Rudiger Slezak, is pictured above. Minister Slezak served as Second Deputy Under Secretary of Internal Investigations in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs from 1990-2004; and as Second Assistant Deputy Director of Media in the Ministry of Information from 2004 until February of 2007. President and Chairman Vladik appointed him Minister of Information following the death of his predecessor on 27 February 2007.
Now that this website is back on-line, here are some important news bulletins from the last several months:
• Little Mariska Vashili, only eight years old, won first prize at the Socialist Flower Show!
• Mrs. K. Randik delivered a four-hour address to the Socialist Women’s Sewing Circle on the benefits to the world of Socialism and praised the efforts of President and Chairman Vladik in pursuit of that goal.
• That village ten miles east of the capital city definitely did NOT explode. The booming sounds you heard and all the smoke was actually from a theatre troupe production of “Hamlet.”
• The entire cabinet and half of the members of the Joint Military Command Council resigned on 1 March 2007 due to ill health and/or sudden death.
• President and Chairman Vladik definitely did NOT accidentally shoot his youngest son in the face on a recent hunting trip. The extensive plastic surgery and facial reconstruction required by Yuri Vladik was due to a mole that needed to be removed.