Former King Speaks Out!

19 February 2006 § Leave a comment


Former King Martinjo Skrovna Yablok Syska II of Koskovia

Revodna, 3 p.m. — The last king of Koskovia, Martinjo Skrovna Yablok Syska II, recently sent the Ministry of Information an astonishing letter in support of the Communist Party of Koskovia and President and Chairman Mladik Vladik!

Yablok Syska was overthrown in a popular revolution in December of 1948, and went into exile in Rome. For many years he maintained the fiction of his “legitimacy,” and spoken out against the legal government of the Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia.

Now eighty-seven years old, the former King dispatched an extraordinary letter that supports the Communist Party’s rule in Koskovia!

The letter reads:

“I have now reached the final years of my life, and I have never lost my attachment to the people of Koskovia despite living in exile since 1948. …I still firmly believe in the absolute legitimacy of [the Communist Party and of President and Chairman Mladik Vladik], and I maintain the hope that the people of Koskovia will someday [appreciate even more the sacrifices made on their behalf by the CPK and President and Chairman Vladik]. Since the [completely legal and legitimate] ouster of the royal government in 1948, the people of Koskovia have [prospered like no other people in the world] and must realize that Communism is repsonsible for [all the good things in their lives].…The people of Koskovia must understand that I seek no benefit for myself [by praising the totally legitimate and honorable government of Koskovia that has ruled with justice since the Great Revolution of 1948/49] and that I only wish to [offer President and Chairman Mladik Vladik, the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies, and the leadership of the Communist Party of Koskvia my most heartfelt congratulations for securing the freedom, security, and prosperity of of the great people of Koskovia] and [for carrying on the] fight against [the Fasco-capitalist thugs in the West that seek to continually] undermine the [totally legitimate] Communist government of Koskovia.

By this instrument, I do hereby declare and afirm as the head of the Royal House of Syska that my descendants and heirs will never [seek to return to Koskovia in any capacity other than as private citizens who completely support the entirely legitimate and legal government errected by the Communsit Party of Koskovia and now operates under the guidance of the great Mladik Vladik]. All recognized members of the Royal House of Syska are hereby directed to [send expensive gifts to all the leaders of the] CPK as soon as is possible; to use all means at their disposal to [praise effusively the leadership of President and Chairman Mladik Vladik]; and to [abandon all] legal claims against the [completely legitimate and legal] Communist government of Koskovia that has [freed] the Koskovian people.*


*Note: Corrections noted by [ ___ ] were necessary because the former King used an old dialect of the Koskovian language that no one would understand. The Chief Linguistic Historian of the Ministry of Information’s Clarification of Foreign Correspondence Department swears that all of his corrections are completely honest and truly reflect the nature of the former king’s point of view. Naturally, we believe him.

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