A Triumph of Socialist Computer Engineering!
28 January 2006 § Leave a comment
Revodna, 4:45 p.m. — The Minister of Socialist Engineering, Planning, Pre-Production, and Development announced this afternoon the creation of the Fatherland’s latest and greatest invention.
Introducing the Novistar Personal Home Computer!
After years of planning and development, the Ministry is proud to announce the releast of the finest personal computer machine in all the world! With 640k of memory, a hardy input keyboard, a highly readable green screen, and a comfortable seat for any operator, the Novistar will be a wonderful addition to any home.* Plus, it is automatically hooked into the Central Koskovian Information Network (CKIN) via the so-called “inter-web,” so that any comrade (after approximately 5,000 hours of training) can file his taxes, keep a personal schedule or diary (that is conviently shared with the State Security Service), and connect to the Koskovian Central Bank to check account balances!†
Planning for the Novistar Personal Computer began in earnest in 1963, and takes advantage of the most advanced hardware and software of the 1970s. It comes pre-installed with Microsoft Windows® XP (Koskovian Edition), Microsoft Internet Explorer®, Lotus 1-2-3 accounting software, and all the spyware and malware one could ever need!**
Oh, and the large thing on top that looks like a video camera — and may sound just like one that is recording — is really a very sensitive peice of advanced equipment that should not be touched by anyone at any time. Skilled technicians will come by your home every week — free of charge! — to service this very special equipment THAT IN NO WAY RECORDS ANYTHING.††
The Novistar Personal Computer will go on sale in all state department stores on January 31 of this year. The cost will be €275,750.
The Novistar Design Group is already hard at work in developing the next generation of socialist super-computer for personal use. Expected release date is January 31, 2078.
*The Novistar is actually too big to fit in most Koskovian homes. The Ministry suggests that those interested in purchasing a unit contact the State Home Construction Service and make an arrangement to add another room to your house. It simply will not fit in an apartment. Sorry.
†If you have a balance, that is.
**It is un-Socialist propaganda to suggest that any fine Microsoft® product is in fact a rip-off of Apple® Computer’s Macintosh operating system. Comrade Bill Gates assures the Ministry of Information that this allegation IS SIMPLY NOT TRUE, AND ALL EVIDENCE OR INFORMATION TO THE CONTRARY IS A COMPLETE FABRICATION BY THE FASCO-CAPITALIST PIG STEVE JOBS. We of course have no reason to doubt the veracity of Comrade Gates’ word.
††The very idea that the State Security Service would install any sort of recording device in the home of a loyal comrade is, of course, absurd. No matter what you’ve heard. Or found.