Koskovian Ambassador to USA is Kidnapped by Fasco-Capitalists!

22 December 2005 § Leave a comment

Comrade Ambassador Mila Arkmatova, now being held captive by the American secret police.

Washington, D.C., USA, 3:30 p.m. EST — In a hostile move by the Fasco-Capitalists in the USA, Koskovian Ambassador to the United States Mila Arkmatova was kidnapped today by the American secret police, the so-called “FBI,” which translates to the Koskovian language as “Anti-Progressive Armed Military Force for the Supression of the Human Rights of Citizens and Foreigners.”

In violation of international law and of human rights, Ambassador Arkmatova was dragged before the American press and forced to make the following statement against her will:

“I have for much of my life served the Revolutionary Government of the Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia. For the last five years, I have served as Ambassador the United States. I have found the American people to be a kind and generous people, very different from the propaganda emanating from my own government. I have lately come to understand the extent to which President and Chairman Mladik Vladik and the Communist Party of Koskovia has perverted Koskovian society and culture to preserve their dictatorship. The stifling political culture in my homeland has left the Koskovian people suffocating, gasping for the air of liberty and freedom. I stand before you today in order to publically denounce President Vladik and the CPK for the continuation of an anti-democratic system. I realize that this statement now makes it impossible for me to return to my native land under the current regime, and I have asked the U.S. State Department for political asylum for myself and my family. Thank you all.”

We can only imagine the extensive torture employed by the “FBI” in order to force our Comrade Ambassador to spew such unpatriotic bile against her close friend and ally President and Chairman Vladik. She clearly showed signs of physical and mental exhaustion, and her eyes welled with tears as she was forced to vomit up the foulest lies by her captors.

Hugo Tretnikov, spokesman for the State Security Service, explained to the journalist from StateTV1 that Ambassador Arkmatova managed to blink a message in Morse Code to alert the Koskovian people that she spoke under duress. Refering to the video feed broadcast on CNN International, Comrade Tretnikov pointed out when the ambassador blinked out her message, which said in part:

“Comrades of Koskovia! I am being held captive by the fasco-capitalists of the demonic United States and forced to spew the foulest lies against my old friend and ally President and Chairman Mladik Vladik! The American Anti-Progressive Armed Military Force for the Supression of the Human Rights of Citizens and Foreigners have tortured me and told me what to say at this falsified press conference. The demonic Bush Adminstration is attempting to undermine the world-wide support for the Revolutionary government of Koskovia. I confirm by this special code my undying love for my homeland, for the party, and for our Dear Leader, President and Chairman Vladik. I confirm that I will never betray the Koskovian people no matter how long the fasco-capitalists imprison me.”

Ambassador Arkmatova is currently being held in the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York City. This so-called “hotel” is in fact a foul cesspit where anti-American foreigners are forced to stay under armed guard to prevent these visitors from enlightening the American people about Revolutionary principles that could free them from their fasco-capitalist oppressors.

Apparently the entire Koskovian delegation has been detained as well, as the telephones in the Koskovian embassy were not answered despite repeated attempts by the Foreign Ministry to contact the embassy staff.


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