Party Announces Electoral Slate for Upcoming Election!

19 December 2005 § Leave a comment

Some of the Communist Party of Koskovia candidates for the
Congress of Peoples’ Deputies, earlier today

Revodna, 11:30am — After a brief meeting that stressed national unity and a continuation on the path to True Socialism, the Communist Party of Koskovia today announced its slate of candidates for seats in the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies, the highest state organ of the Koskovian people, in the upcoming election.

Party spokeswoman Alexandra Timoshenko stressed the “youthful vigor” of all of the candidates, who will present to the people a “fresh vision for the way ahead to the achievement of the goals set forth by Presdident & Central Committee Chairman Mladik Vladik.”

Deputy Chairman of the Central Committee Igor Ivanov ( front row, 3rd from left) expressed his “surprise and elation” at being chosen to contest his 20th election for the Party, and said that he looks forward to “running ahead with all deliberate speed to the sunny uplands of Socialism.”

The Party has shown its ability to renew itself with fresh visions, fresh faces, and fresh ideas time and again, and this slate of candidates is no different. It balances age, experience and vigor like never before. The youngest candidate, 62 year-old Mikhail Gorevitch (middle row, left), told journalists, “I am very happy to have been chosen by the Party to stand for re-election. As the youngest member of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies, I look forward to bringing a fresh perspective to the tasks that we must undertake to further the Revolution and solidify the victory of Socialism over the evils of bourgeois fasco-capitalism that saps the strength of oppressed peoples everywhere. I would like to extend the liberty and freedom of the Koskovian people even further in the coming Congressional term.”

Gorevitch, chairman of the Central Committee for Immigration and Emigration, was told of his selection shortly after his committee’s vote to redefine the limits of emigration, “to protect,” he explained, “national unity and all citizens of Koskovia.” His committee also reported that the number of immigration requests for 2002 was 11, mostly from the Democratic Peoples’ Republic of [North] Korea. All were denied. The number of requests for emigration visas remains classified, although none were granted.

As of the last election on 31st December 1995†

  • Communist Party of Koskovia (CPK)———————-290
  • Socialist Unity Party (SUP)———————————–1
  • Party of Socialist Unity (PSU)——————————–1
  • Alliance of Socialist Labor/Farmer (ASLF)—————-1
  • Socialist Labor (SL)——————————————-1
  • Socialist Farmer (SF)—————————————–1
  • Koskovian Peace, Freedom and Liberty Party (KPFLP)–1
  • Party for Peace and Liberty in Koskovia (PPLK)———-1
  • Vacant———————————————————-3*
  • TOTAL——————————————————300

† On June 1, 1996, the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies passed the Act to Reduce Electoral Confusion in the Interest of the Voters of the Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia, which reduced the number of legal political parties from 45 to 8.

* Three seats are currently vacant due to the accidental suicide of the former Minister of Information, Boris Pugonov; the accidental suicide of Class A Enemy of the People Krasomyr Somidar; and the resignation of Piotr Kamanev, former member of the Central Committee for the Revision of Unsocialist Statistics, due to radiation poisoning.

Polling stations will be open from 1:00 – 1:15pm on Saturday, 31st December 2005. All voters are reminded to bring their National Identification Cards, their Party membership cards, their National Health System Report Cards, their Address Cards, their birth certificates, their automobile registration (if any), proof of residency, high school and/or university transcripts, passports, tax receipts for the previous 10 years, and proof of marriage status. Those without all proper identification will be turned away and followed home.

The borders of Koskovia will be sealed even tighter than normal from 30th December until 1st January, to ensure that no agents of the fasco-capitalist nations intefer with the free, fair, open and transparent election. All inter-provincial travel will be restricted, major highways closed, and country roads blockaded. The Daily Truth will not publish those days, and Koskovian State TV1 and Radio1 will not broadcast.

The State Security Service will impose a curfew from midnight Friday until 12:55pm Saturday. The curfew will come into force again when the polls close at 1:15pm on Saturday, and last until 7 am Sunday morning. All international telephone lines will be cut. Revodna International Socialist Airport will be closed, and Koskovian Socialist Airline will be grounded. Dogs and cats must be kept inside. Goats must be tethered at all times. The trains won’t go anywhere.

You get the idea.


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