North Korean Leader Congratulates Chairman Vladik!

19 December 2005 § Leave a comment

Kim Jong-Il, Chairman of the National Defense Commission of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Supreme Commander of the North Korean People’s Army, and General Secretary of the Korean Workers’ Party*

Revodna, 11am — North Korean Dear Leader and Staunch Ally of Koskovia, Kim Jong-Il, today sent President Vladik a message of congratulations on his decision to stand for reëlection for his seat in the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies on 31st December. In a telegram released to the press by the DPRK embassy in Revodna, Dear Leader Kim said:

The People of the DPRK and their Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il extend warmest congratulations to our dear friend and ally, President and Chairman Mladik Vladik, on his decision to seek reëlection to the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies on 31st December 2005. We hope that the people of his constituency, Vladikia City, will see the wisdom of returning him to his seat with an increased majority — somewhere in the neighborhood of 150% of the vote would be just great. As per usual, the DPRK will be pleased to send an Election Observer that will prove the free, fair, open and transparent nature of the upcoming election to the fasco-capitalist warmongers in America and Europe who seem to have an unhealthy obsession with such things. Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il earnestly hopes that that all registered voters in Koskovia will remember to bring all of the necessary identification papers to the polling stations to avoid being turned away and followed home by the State Security Service.

President and Chairman Vladik expressed his warmest thanks to Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il for his kind message. Speaking to the journalist from The Daily Truth earlier today, President and Chairman Vladik said:

“It is very kind for my dear friend and ally Kim Jong-Il to send me such a kind note while I prepare to contents the upcoming election. The North Korean Election Observer will of course be joined by comrades from Cuba, Vietnam and China, as usual, who are certain to prove the free, fair, open and transparent nature of the upcoming election to the fasco-capitalist warmongers in America and Europe who seem to have an unhealthy obsession which such things. It was also very kind for Dear Leader Kim to remind all the registered voters in Koskovia to remember to bring all of the necessary identification papers to the polling stations to avoid being turned away and followed home by the State Security Service.”His message could only have been better had he remembered to remind all the registered voters in Koskovia that failure to vote is a violation of the Act to Ensure that All Registered Voters in Koskovia Vote When Voting in a New Election is Needed [1996] and subject to a fine of Lk938,383,844,223 and/or ten years in a Happy-Joy Labor Camp. But it was still a great message. Really. Just a super message from a great guy.”

Dear Leader Kim’s message arrived only moments after the Minister of Foreign Affairs reached an extensive trade deal with North Korea. In exchange for 10,000 bushels of wheat and 20,000 cords of wood from Koskovia, North Korea will send 2 transistor radios, a 1945 Dodge Tractor, 4 puppies, and 10,000 pictures of Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il.

[*Editor’s note: This is Kim Jong-Il’s actual title, copied word for word from his entry on Wikipedia.]

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