History of the Evolution of the Flag of the Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia, 1945-2015.

2 February 2015 § Leave a comment

Revodna, Noon — As this year marks the 70th anniversary of the PDFRK, State Historian Vaia Trukova gives a brief explanation of the evolution of the Fatherland’s flag in her forthcoming book, “A Brief Explanation of the Evolution of the Fatherland’s Flag.”

An excerpt:

1. Version A: Screen Shot 2015-02-01 at 6.25.59 PM

The Provisional Parliament elected on 1st May, 1945, selected this design for the nation’s flag, urged on by both President Vladik and Deputy President Kulik. (Note: They are each 50.1% responsible for the design, according to records.)The yellow represented the sun; the orange, the sun; and the brown, the soil. The Blue Stripe represented the ocean that the Communist Party planned to build within Koskovia. (Note: this project is in the planning states.The land-locked nature of the PFDRK is a complicating factor.) The Provisional Parliament also included the hammer-and-sickle and red star at the insistence of the Soviet armed forces, who surrounded the delegates with weapons drawn kindly stood guard around the provisional parliamentarians when the voted on adding those symbols as ordered kindly suggested by Comrade Stalin.

On 1st June, however, US and British forces entered Koskovia following the withdrawal of Soviet forces and restored the monarchy under King Martinjo Skrovna Yablok Syska II. The CPPFDRK led an underground guerrilla movement against the King, resulting in his exile in 1949. During that period, the nation suffered under the reprehensible, degenerate, and savage Royal Koskovian Flag:
Screen Shot 2015-02-01 at 6.56.23 PM

2. Version B: Screen Shot 2015-02-01 at 6.26.52 PM

Following the collapse of the monarchy and the restoration of the Republic (in the wake of the Soviet invasion forcible entry invited appearance), the 2nd Provisional Parliament of the PFDRK adopted this second version. The delegates added the branches to indicate their victory over the monarchy.

For various reasons, subsequent Central Flag Commissions chose to switch back and forth between Versions A and B, in an effort to remain ideologically pure. Therefore, between 1949 and 1995, the official version of the national flag alternated thusly:

Version B:
1st June 1949-10th January 1965
4th April 1965-22nd November 1967
1 March 1970-7th March 1970
17 March 1970-11th September 1970
12th September 1970-1 April 1980
1 April 1980 – 31 December 1980
1 January 1981 – 15 November 1989

Version A:
10th January 1965-4th April 1965
22nd November 1967-29 February 1970
7 March 1970-17th March 1970
11th September 1970-12th September 1970
1 April 1980
31 December 1980-1 January 1981

Version C: Screen Shot 2015-02-01 at 6.27.31 PM

On 15 November 1989, the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies adopted the Sun-and-Star flag, to represent the reforms begun that year. The text of the bill, however, did not specify he removal of the hammer-and-sickle as the deputies intended, and so it remained. This was corrected by Version C-1 (below), on 31 October 1992.
Screen Shot 2015-02-01 at 6.27.46 PM

Version C-2 followed on 10 May 1994, following the decision to remove the red star:
Screen Shot 2015-02-01 at 6.28.04 PM

Version D:
Screen Shot 2015-02-01 at 6.28.19 PM

On 2 January 1995, the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies adopted the current flag after vigorous debate and several stabbings.

Minister for Hats Announces Hat Austerity Program for Government Ministers

16 December 2010 § Leave a comment

Minister for Hats Skanda Yobgob announces the details of the new plan outside his office this afternoon.

Palace of the People, Revdona, 2 p.m. — Minister for Hats Skanda Yobgob addressed the reporter for StateTV1 and RadioKOS early this afternoon to announce the details of a new government hat austerity program.

“Due to the economic troubles in the captialist states, there has been a greater demand for warm winter woolen hats made in Koskovia. Therefore in the interest of friendly relations, the Ministry for Hats has authorized the sale of remaining stocks to the western nations. Therefore there shall be, for a limited time, a shortage of new hats in some parts of Koskovia, most likely your part. To alleviate some of the difficulties, I have ordered all members of the Ministry of Hats to reduce the size of their hats by 1 mm, as I myself have done as you can see.”

Minister Yobgob then dramatically pointed to his hat, which indeed looked smaller than usual.

“It is hoped that the ministers and civil service functionaries of other departments will adopt these measures.”

New Meat Stocks (not) Shipped to Stores

14 December 2010 § Leave a comment

Store workers showing off a large pile of Grade-A(-) beef recently (not) shipped to all Koskovian supermarkets.

Revodan, 4 p.m. — Minister for Meat Sonja Malenkov announced this afternoon the latest shipment of Grade-A(-) beef has (not) been dispatched to supermarkets around the nation. “We can(not) announce high-quality beef has (not) been shipped to stores around the nation,” she told the members of the Central Commission for Meat. “All Koskovians certainly do (not) have a constitutional right to enjoy regular supplies of (not) high-quality meat.”

She further remarked, “The recently unfortunate delay in shipments originally scheduled for December 1st, 2002, has been resolved. This of course was the fault of European Union customs law, which is prejudicial against socialist countries.”

Minister Demands Members of Congress Accept Lower Pay During Fiscal Crisis Caused Only By the Capitalist Nations and Not the Minister of Finance of Koskovia nor the Koskovian Central Bank nor the President and Chairman

6 December 2010 § Leave a comment

Newly-appointed Minister of Finance and Chairman of the Central Bank Yuri Belgariovna addresses the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies this afternoon.

Revodna, 3 p.m. — Newly-appointed Minister of Finance and Chairman of the Central Bank Yuri Belgariovna addressed the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies this afternoon, urging the members to accept a 10% pay cut during the fiscal crisis caused only by the capitalist nations and not by the Minister of Finance of Koskovia nor the Koskovian Central Bank nor President and Chairman Vladik.

“This crisis, caused by the capitalist nations and not by the Minister of Finance of Koskovia nor the Koskovian Central Bank nor President and Chairman Vladik, means that we must adopt some new approaches to fiscal discipline,” he explained during the tri-annual question time set aside for the minister of finance. “Therefore, as my first act as finance minister I wish to introduce a proposal entitled “Cut the Wages of the Members of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies and Other High Government Officials to Prevent Wage Cuts for Ordinary Koskovians Act of 2010.”

This act will cut the pay of all ordinary Koskovians by 25% to prevent a cut in wages for the members of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies.

Extra Security Forces Added for Koskovian Peace and Socialism Day

7 November 2010 § Leave a comment

Newly sworn-in officers of the Ministry of Internal Security and Harmony Street Safety Task Force Division patrol the streets of Revodna.

Revodna, 4 p.m. — Following the request of the Governor-General of Revodna, President and Chairman Vladik authorized the immediate hiring and deployment of dozens of new members of the MIS&H Street Safety Task Force in preparation for tomorrow’s nation-wide celebrations of Koskovian Peace and Socialism Day.

The recent rise in petty crime on the streets of major Koskovian cities have absolutely nothing to do with the worldwide financial crisis. Such assertions are nonsense. Rather, it is the infiltration of counter-revolutionary forces from Hungary and Germany who are disrupting the peaceful life of ordinary Koskovians.

The Minister of Homeland Security Javik Yugo resigned recently after his execution for dereliction of duty.

The new members of the SSTF, pictured above in formation, will be deployed for the rest of the month.

President’s Favorite Pet Named Army “General” in Delightful Children’s Ceremony

10 October 2010 § Leave a comment

President and Chairman Vladik’s favorite dog Barky Stalin was “appointed” to the Koskvian Peoples’ General Staff today at a gathering for children at the Presidential Palace.

Revodna, 2 p.m. — At a gathering for the children of party officials at the Presidential Palace this afternoon, President and Chairman Mladik Vladik held a delightful ceremony in which both he and his favorite dog Barky Stalin took part.

With the children and their parents looking on with glee, and together with the Minister of Defense, President Vladik signed the documents making Barky Stalin a Major General in the Koskovian Peoples’ Army. He was given a custom-made uniform and hat, and spent the afternoon “parading” among the guests. Several of the children interviewed by this reporter — none of whom consented to be a identified, but they were Pili Schabowski and Anna Maria Hralkin — were sure to salute the new “general” as he trotted around them eating the cake crumbs.*

General Barky Stalin will report to Yuralsk City Military Installation tomorrow morning and take command of the 3rd Army.

The newly-installed general also received the “Presidential Medal of Socialist Victory, 1st Class” and a dacha near Lake Koskovia.

*”cake” is a kind of snack food recently invented by the Koskovian Peoples’ Food Production and Invention Laboratory and tested on these children. Reactions were mixed.

New Luxury Hotel Construction Complete

15 August 2010 § Leave a comment

The brand new Koskovian Peoples’ Mega Grand Superior Hotel and Resort opened its doors today to an admiring public.

Not Your City, 5 p.m. — The new Koskovian Peoples’ Mega Grand Superior Hotel and Resort opened its doors this afternoon after 18 months of construction. Bela Koosh, chairman of the Central Grand Design and Construction Committee (CGDCC) cut the red ribbon before an appreciate crowd at 4 p.m. this afternoon, and proclaimed the hotel and resort open for business.

“Nothing marks a great nation like a great hotel and resort,” he said, wielding a large pair of scissors. “This new hotel, not located in your city, is a beacon of socialist accomplishment and a triumph of socialist engineering!”

The hotel, not located in your city, can serve up to fifty thousand guests at a given time. Appointments to tour the facility, built at a cost of 458 million euros, are available through the Reservations Department. Simply look up the number in a telephone directory. You can get on the waiting list for a telephone directory (current wait time: 4 years, 5 months), by emailing the Central Telephone and Communications Control, Monitoring and Repair Committee at:

ineedatelephonedirectorytocallsomeoneinkoskovia@ctccmrc.koskovia.gov.

If you do not have access to email, please try anyway.

  • NATIONAL PROFILE

    National Flag!

    • The Peoples' Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia is a small nation nestled deep in some snowy mountains somewhere.

    • When the other European members of the great Communist brotherhood abandoned communism in 1989, Koskovia alone stood strong under the direction of the Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of Peoples' Deputies, Mladik Vladik.

    • In 1995, the Koskovian people voted 99.9% to award Chairman Vladik the additional title of President of the Republic in a free, fair, open, honest, and transparent election, overseen by observers from North Korea, China, Cuba, and Vietnam. The .1% who voted against the measure were resettled in North Korea, China, Cuba and Vietnam, and we presume they are happy and prosperous. But we haven't heard back. Not even a postcard.

    •In 2007, the Congress of Peoples' Deputies elevated Vice-Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee Josef Kulik to the office of Deputy President by a vote of 298-2.

    • The capital of Koskovia, Revodna, does not appear on any maps for security reasons.

    • The national currency, the Lik, is currently pegged to the Euro at 1:1,948,390,875. The smallest currency unit of the Lik (Lk) is 1,000,000,000. The Central Bank beleives that the more zeros a currency has, the more important it is.

    • The current flag (pictured above) was adopted by the Congress of Peoples' Deputies on January 2, 1995. The main change was the addition of the sun emblem, and the removal of the hammer and sickle. It occured to the Deputies that no one in Koskovia used either a hammer or a sickle, but every citizen enjoyed the sun. Except the vampires.

    • Weather conditions in Koskovia are hard to predict, but there are typically 5 days of bright sunshine, and 355 days of snow and/or sleet in a given year.

    • As per Directive 78-B-94 of the Central Calendar Committee, the PFDRK does not recognize January 8, April 22, June 17, September 1, or November 9. The existence of these days is considered bourgeois fasco-capitalist propaganda.

  • NATIONAL FACTS

  • Population of Koskovia: classified.
  • GDP: classified
  • Media Outlets: State TV1, RadioKos, The Daily Truth
  • National Bird: classified
  • National Holidays: May Day, Arbor Day, Random October Afternoon.

  • POLITICAL LEADERSHIP

    EXECUTIVE:

    President of the Republic: Mladik Vladik

    Deputy President of the Republic: Josef Kulik

    LEGISLATIVE:

    Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of Peoples' Deputies: Mladik Vladik

    Vice-Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of Peoples' Deputies: Josef Kulik

    JUDICIAL:

    Chief Justice of the Completely Independent and Totally Legitimate Supreme Constitutional Court: Vacant (interim Chief Justice: Mladik Vladik)

    ARMED FORCES:

    Chairman of the Joint Military Command Council: Grand Field Marshal Nicolai Ryzkov

    Vice-Chairman of the Joint Military Command Council: Supreme Generalisimo Mladik Vladik

    Deputy Vice-Chairman of the Joint Military Command Council: Generalisimo Josef Kulik