Tetrikov Agrees to Step Down

Top left: Acting President/Deputy President/Chairman and Speaker of the CPD Yvonne Tetrikov; top right: Deputy President and Deputy Chairman Josef Kulik; bottom left: President and Chairman Vladik.

Revodna, Noon — After several contentious and stormy party meetings in recent weeks, Acting President/Deputy President/Chairman and Speaker of the CPD Yvonne Tetrikov has agreed to step down and from her acting positions and allow President Vladik and Deputy President Kulik to resume their duties by Monday morning, 9 June.

Acting President Tetrikov took power when both Vladik and Kulik were victims of a terrorist attack earlier this year. It was believed at the time that agents of Dictarabistan had carried out the attacks. This is, however, unsocialist propaganda as KOSKOVIA AND DICTARABISTAN HAVE NEVER BEEN AT WAR WITH ONE ANOTHER (despite what some returning soldiers might say because of shock). It turns out that the attack was really a faulty gas line installed at the Presidential Palace lake-side cabin.

Tetrikov insisted that she would remain in office until both men were well enough to resume their duties. Only this morning did the Director-General of the Koskovian Revolutionary State Hospital (recently appointed by Tetrikov), Dr. Ivan Iskov, clear both men to return to office.

Tetrikov spoke to the reporter from StateTV1, RadioKOS, and The Daily Truth shortly after noon today. She explained:

“I believe that the best interests of the Koskovian people were served by my staying in office as long as was possib— necessary while the President and Deputy President recovered from the terrori— faulty gas line. I have always indicated that when Dr. Iskov pronounced them fully recovered, I would step aside from my acting positions, and this I have done.”

President Vladik will address the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies on Monday morning.

UPDATE, 3 p.m. — President Vladik released a statement this afternoon in which he relieved from duty the acting ForInDef Minister, along with the entire cabinet and Dr. Iskov.

UPDATE, 3:10 p.m. — Some members of the CPD have called for President Vladik to re-establish the position of Second Deputy President and to appoint Speaker Tetrikov to that position, in recognition of her fine work during the recent crisis.

UPDATE, 3:15 p.m. — Speaker Tetrikov has indicated that she will not seek reëlection to the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies when new elections are called.

UPDATE, 3:16 p.m. — Speaker Tetrikov and her companion, the former acting ForInDef, have both been killed in a car accident after leaving a brief meeting with Deputy President Kulik.

Unusual Political Difficulties Face Congress

Great Hall of the Revolutionary and Forward-Thinking People of the Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia, 4 p.m. — The members of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies have returned to work today, but face a difficult challenge.

As Acting President/Chairman/Speaker Tetrikov gaveled the Congress into session, there arose immediate challenges to her refusal to step aside from her positions as Acting President and Acting Chairman of the Executive Council and allow President Vladik and Deputy President Kulik to resume their duties.

Both men are doing well but are still recovering from the recent terrorist attack against the Presidential Palace Cottage at Lake Koskovia. Physicians are divided on their exact status: the personal physicians to Vladik and Kulik insist they are fit to return to office, while the Director-General of the Koskovian Revolutionary State Hospital (recently appointed by Tetrikov) suggested that both men required four to six more weeks of physical therapy.

One member of the Congress, Boris Yulianov, took to the well of the Congress and demanded that she step down from those positions and allow President Vladik and Deputy President Kulik to return to office. “On behalf of the people of Koskovia, I insist that the Speaker recognize reality and lay down her acting positions at once! For the good of the nation, please Madam Speaker, STEP ASIDE!“

While a few members booed, most applauded Yulianov’s stand.

Tetrikov replied: “I will not step down until the doctors have given a clean bill of health to both the President and Deputy President. I doubt this will happen before June 3rd at the absolute earliest. However, I may remain until the Party Congress this August.”