President’s Son Honored

Georgi Vladik, eldest son of President and Chairman Vladik, at the Peoples’ Award Ceremonies.

Revodna, 8 p.m. — Georgi Vladik, the eldest son of President and Chairman Vladik, tonight received the nation’s highest awards at the annual Peoples’ Awards Ceremony in the Palace of Culture.

Georgi, 32, received three honors from the Central Committee for the Honoring of Outstanding Efforts in the Service of the State and the Furthering of the Cause of Socialism Both Nationally and Internationally by Ordinary Koskovians (CCHOESSFCSBNIOK): the Star of Vladik (1st Class) for his tireless efforts overseeing the Lake Koskovia Sailing Program for Socialist Youth; the Golden Star (1st Star) for his work in the Socialist Film Directorate; and the General Yevgeni Kolyma White Star (1st Class) for his previous military service (January – May, 2008).

Georgi gave a brief speech in which he thanked his parents for instilling in him the importance of constant efforts in the furtherance of socialism. His proud father, President of the Republic and Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies of the Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia Mladik Vladik, pinned the awards to his son’s athletic chest himself, wearing a broad smile all the while. President and Chairman Vladik then spoke for two hours extolling the virtues of his son’s work, occasionally needling Georgi for remaining unmarried and spending such a lot of time in the steam room of the Revodna Central Gymnasium! His time there is, of course, part of his rigid physical exercise regime, which is the duty of all Koskovians.

Other award recipients were:
Yalu, Magda (67 yrs) – Silver Star (3rd Class) for work with the elderly and infirm (1962-2008)
Ungar, Yuri (72 yrs) – Aluminum Cross (2nd Class) for work in physics at the University of Revodna (1960-2000)
Halstrom, Maria (7 yrs) – Gold Star (2nd Class) for classroom artwork in the furtherance of the Revolution.

Constitutional Convention Convenes!

“The Members of the Constitutional Convention Pledge to Leap Ahead to the Glorious Future of True Socialism By Undertaking Needed Reforms!”

Palace of the People, Revodna, 9 a.m. — Three thousand delegates from all parts of Koskovia, and representative of all professions, gathered in the Great Hall of the Palace of the People this morning, to consider various proposals regarding changes to the Constitution of Koskovia. These delegates were, you’ll no doubt recall, elected on 31st December 2005 (don’t bother checking, they were — no matter what you think you remember about that General Election).

President and Chairman Vladik opened the august ceremony with a ringing speech focused on the need for periodic renewal in the interests of hastening the arrival of true socialism!

UPDATE: 10:15 a.m. — The Constitutional Convention has completed its work after voting to change the second word of line one hundred of paragraph seventy-seven of section sixty-two of article MCDLX of the state Constitution from “shall” to “will.”

All hail the brave delegates who have truly paved the way to a brighter future under true socialism!

New Palace of the People Complete!

Revodna, 7 p.m. — Construction on the new Palace of the People finished this evening! This glorious triumph of socialist planning and architecture will from now on be the home of the President and Chairman of the Republic. As both positions are currently held by Mladik Vladik, he and his family will, for the forseeable future, be the only residents.

The Palace, however, is the property of all citizens of Koskovia, and its doors will be flung open on Saturday, 22 September, from 3 p.m. to 3:10 p.m. for any citizen-owner to view his or her new official home!

President and Chairman Vladik has pledged to keep the property well-maintained, and has put up a 587,004,736 lik security deposit in the Koskovia Central Banking House.

Former King Speaks Out!

Former King Martinjo Skrovna Yablok Syska II of Koskovia

Revodna, 3 p.m. — The last king of Koskovia, Martinjo Skrovna Yablok Syska II, recently sent the Ministry of Information an astonishing letter in support of the Communist Party of Koskovia and President and Chairman Mladik Vladik!

Yablok Syska was overthrown in a popular revolution in December of 1948, and went into exile in Rome. For many years he maintained the fiction of his “legitimacy,” and spoken out against the legal government of the Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia.

Now eighty-seven years old, the former King dispatched an extraordinary letter that supports the Communist Party’s rule in Koskovia!

The letter reads:

“I have now reached the final years of my life, and I have never lost my attachment to the people of Koskovia despite living in exile since 1948. …I still firmly believe in the absolute legitimacy of [the Communist Party and of President and Chairman Mladik Vladik], and I maintain the hope that the people of Koskovia will someday [appreciate even more the sacrifices made on their behalf by the CPK and President and Chairman Vladik]. Since the [completely legal and legitimate] ouster of the royal government in 1948, the people of Koskovia have [prospered like no other people in the world] and must realize that Communism is repsonsible for [all the good things in their lives].…The people of Koskovia must understand that I seek no benefit for myself [by praising the totally legitimate and honorable government of Koskovia that has ruled with justice since the Great Revolution of 1948/49] and that I only wish to [offer President and Chairman Mladik Vladik, the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of Peoples' Deputies, and the leadership of the Communist Party of Koskvia my most heartfelt congratulations for securing the freedom, security, and prosperity of of the great people of Koskovia] and [for carrying on the] fight against [the Fasco-capitalist thugs in the West that seek to continually] undermine the [totally legitimate] Communist government of Koskovia.

By this instrument, I do hereby declare and afirm as the head of the Royal House of Syska that my descendants and heirs will never [seek to return to Koskovia in any capacity other than as private citizens who completely support the entirely legitimate and legal government errected by the Communsit Party of Koskovia and now operates under the guidance of the great Mladik Vladik]. All recognized members of the Royal House of Syska are hereby directed to [send expensive gifts to all the leaders of the] CPK as soon as is possible; to use all means at their disposal to [praise effusively the leadership of President and Chairman Mladik Vladik]; and to [abandon all] legal claims against the [completely legitimate and legal] Communist government of Koskovia that has [freed] the Koskovian people.*

*Note: Corrections noted by [ ___ ] were necessary because the former King used an old dialect of the Koskovian language that no one would understand. The Chief Linguistic Historian of the Ministry of Information’s Clarification of Foreign Correspondence Department swears that all of his corrections are completely honest and truly reflect the nature of the former king’s point of view. Naturally, we believe him.

Congress of Peoples’ Deputies Adjorns for Election

Revodna, 9:44pm — The Congress of Peoples’ Deputies concluded the 2005 legislative agenda this evening, in advance of Saturday’s election.

Every member of the CPD has been working tirelessly in the last several days to pass all remaining legislation proposed by President and Chairman Vladik and the Central Committee.

The most notable items were last-minute additions to the State Budget for 2006, proposed by President and Chairman Vladik and approved by the Central Budget Committee last night. They include:

€500 million to pave every road in Koskovia.

€1 billion for raising the state pensions paid to retired and disabled persons.

€600 million in added spending on the State Health System.

€5 billion to provide every Koskovian a €500 subsidy.

TOTAL: €7.1 billion in spending, against €4.2 billion in receipts in fiscal 2005, for a year-ending surplus of €2.9 billion!

Note: Budget items are reported in Euros (€) because the currency translator at the Ministry of Information is not working.

These items will be funded as of 1st April 2006.

The Members of the CPD also decided that the ballots of veterans of the First Phase of the Glorious Revolution (3rd to 4th June, 1949) would count double in Saturday’s election.

Massive Rally In the Capital in Support of President Vladik!

A massive spontaneous rally in support of our Dear Leader President Vladik in Vladik Sqaure earlier today.

Revodna, 12:30pm — A massive spontaneous rally of the people marched through Vladik Square today to congratulate our Dear Leader for his winning of the Marx-Lenin-Vladik Literary Prize, and his earlier decision to call for free, fair, open and transparent elections on December 31st.Participants were unable to accurately count the number of marchers, but estimates run into the tens. As they marched passed the Presidential Palace, they chanted popular slogans, including: “Our Dear Leader! Continue to Lead Us on the Correct Path to True Socialism While Making Such Decisions as You and Your Comrades Think Are Necessary for the Preservation of Peaceful Cooperation Within Society and With Our Allies in the Outside World and Help Us to Make the Sacrifices Necessary to Achieve our Great Goal As Fast as is Humanly Possible!”*

Rally organizer General Günter Tivoli of the State Security Service praised all the citizens of Koskovia who appeared in the capital to salute our Dear Leader in this very exciting time for the Republic. “These citizens have done their duty to the state and to our Dear Leader,” he told the journalist that covered the event. “They rightly chose to spontaneously follow my order to march in favor of our President and our Party.”

President Vladik appeared on the balcony of the Presidential Palace, flanked by his comrades on the Central Committee, and acknowledged the praise of the huge crowd with smiles and waves.All 300 seats in the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies will be up for election on December 31st. So far, every member of the Congress has declared his or her intention to stand for re-election in fulfillment of their patriotic duty to the Fatherland.

[*Editor's Note: This slogan is adapted from actual slogans chanted during the celebrations commemorating the 50th anniversary of the founding of the Peoples' Republic of China in 1999.]

The Minister of Information Welcomes You!

Minister of Information of the PFDRK, Krasomyr Somidar

Dear Reader,
Thank you for visiting the newly-created site for all things Koskovian! You may have heard that the previous Minister of Information Boris Pugonov accidentally cut his head off while combing his hair. We are very sad at the loss of one of the leaders of the 3rd phase of the Glorius Revolution, which is led by our Dear Leader, the Mountain Eagle, the Friend to All Children and Races, President Mladik Vladik.

To honor the loss of the Minister, we inaugerate this news site for all Koskovians and admirers of our Dear Leader’s philosophy of governance and national unity, as set forth in his best-selling work, “107 1/2 New Ideas for the Continuance of National Unity Under An Ever-Changing Philosophy of the Revolutionary State.”

Enjoy your stay. Remember that all information here is subject to change at any time, without notice. Repeating old information is a criminal offense under the Act For the Preservation of Free and Accurate Information [1950]. So be careful!

Most sincerely Yours,
Krasomyr Somidar,
Minister of Information
Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia