President’s Son Honored

Georgi Vladik, eldest son of President and Chairman Vladik, at the Peoples’ Award Ceremonies.

Revodna, 8 p.m. — Georgi Vladik, the eldest son of President and Chairman Vladik, tonight received the nation’s highest awards at the annual Peoples’ Awards Ceremony in the Palace of Culture.

Georgi, 32, received three honors from the Central Committee for the Honoring of Outstanding Efforts in the Service of the State and the Furthering of the Cause of Socialism Both Nationally and Internationally by Ordinary Koskovians (CCHOESSFCSBNIOK): the Star of Vladik (1st Class) for his tireless efforts overseeing the Lake Koskovia Sailing Program for Socialist Youth; the Golden Star (1st Star) for his work in the Socialist Film Directorate; and the General Yevgeni Kolyma White Star (1st Class) for his previous military service (January – May, 2008).

Georgi gave a brief speech in which he thanked his parents for instilling in him the importance of constant efforts in the furtherance of socialism. His proud father, President of the Republic and Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies of the Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia Mladik Vladik, pinned the awards to his son’s athletic chest himself, wearing a broad smile all the while. President and Chairman Vladik then spoke for two hours extolling the virtues of his son’s work, occasionally needling Georgi for remaining unmarried and spending such a lot of time in the steam room of the Revodna Central Gymnasium! His time there is, of course, part of his rigid physical exercise regime, which is the duty of all Koskovians.

Other award recipients were:
Yalu, Magda (67 yrs) – Silver Star (3rd Class) for work with the elderly and infirm (1962-2008)
Ungar, Yuri (72 yrs) – Aluminum Cross (2nd Class) for work in physics at the University of Revodna (1960-2000)
Halstrom, Maria (7 yrs) – Gold Star (2nd Class) for classroom artwork in the furtherance of the Revolution.

PFDRK’s Birthday Celebrated Around the World

All around the globe, the free and progressive people celebrated the founding of the PFDRK!

Revodna, 1 p.m. — Lectures, round-table talks, book and photo exhibitions and film shows were held in Mongolia, Guinea and Italy from June 4 to 8 on the occasion of the 58th anniversary of the PFDRK.

On display in the venues of the functions were famous works of President and Chairman Mladik Vladik and Vice-Chairman Kulik, photos showing their immortal feats and books and photos introducing the Koskovian people’s successes in socialist construction.

The participants of the film shows watched Korean films “In order to Hold the Fatherly Leader in Higher Esteem” and “Military Parade and Mass Demonstration Marking the 50th Birthday of the PFDRK”.

A teacher at Literary College of Mongolia who is member of the leadership council of the Mongolian Mt. Vladik Association for Independent Development said in his lecture that the PFDRK founded by the President has grown strong to be a socialist power under the leadership of Vice-Chairman Kulik.

Malik Souma, director general of the Mladik Vladik Institute of Agricultural Science in Guinea, stressed in his lecture that thanks to the revolutionary politics the Koskovian people have a rosier future and the cause of global independence will make more dynamic progress.

Miriam Pellegrini Ferri, chairman of the Italian Committee for the Study of Revolutionary Idea for Independence and Sovereignty in Koskovia, said after watching the Koskovian film that no force on earth can match the single-mindedly united Koskovian people as they hold the two great leaders in high esteem.

A message of greetings to Vice-Chairman Kulik was adopted at the lecture in Mongolia.*

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*Yes, another great entry from the North Korean News Service!

Dear Leader Praises Leadership of Vice-Chairman

North Korean Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il Praises Koskovia

Revodna, 7 a.m. — North Korean Dear Leader and stalwart Koskovian ally Kim Jong-Il send his congratulations to Vice-Chairman Kulik this morning. The Dear Leader, Friend to All Children, Chosen One, and Defier of the Capitalist Cabals praised the staunch and stalward leadership of Vice-Chairman Kulik while President and Chairman Vladik continues to recover from his recent surgery.

“The Revolutionary State of Korea and its Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il, Chairman of the National Defense Commission of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Supreme Commander of the North Korean People’s Army, and General Secretary of the Korean Workers’ Party, sends his hearty congratulations to Vice-Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of People’s Deputies of the People’s Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia!

The great people of the DPRK send a million good wishes to the good people of Koskovia in their valiant and completely legitimate and legal struggle against the fascist regime in Dictarabistan! While the DPRK has been supplying Dictarabistan with weapons for many years, since the start of the war, the factories of the DPRK have been certain to send mostly defective equipment! (We tried to get out of the contract with the government of Dictarabistan, but could find no legal way to do so. Sorry.)” 

Vice-Chairman Kulik — who recently moved into the main office suite used by President and Chairman Vladik in the Palace of the People in order to facilitate the smooth and efficient functioning of government in the President’s absence — issued a heart-felt thank you to the Dear Leader and people of the DPRK for their warm words and unending support.

Kulik, meeting with the reporter from StateTV1, StateRadio1, and The Daily Truth in his new office, then turned to the subject of the war with Dictarabistan. He explained that the war was proceeding very well. Not a single Koskovian solider has been lost (despite reports to the contrary from the former chairman* of the Central Committee of the War Graves Commission), and over 17 million enemy combatants have been killed! Kulik predicted that the remaining resistance within Dictarabistan will collapse within a few months, and Koskovia will once again have secured its vital supply of cubic zirconia!

All Hail Vice-Chairman Kulik’s leadership in these times of great struggle! Oh, and let’s all be thankful for President and Chairman Vladik and hope for a quick recovery.

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*Milos Yanuga, the former chairman on the CCWGC, died of an apparent heart-attack shortly after giving an unauthorized interview with StateTV1 last Monday. Unfortunately, at exactly the same moment, his wife and four children, aged from 3 to 9, all died of heart-attacks as well. The explosion due to a gas leak thus had nothing to with their deaths, according to the chairman of the Central Committee of Autopsy Reports.

Dictarabistan President Pays Visit

President Barabas al-Niki of Dictarabistan

Palace of the People, Revodna, 9 a.m. — President and ChairmanVladik welcomed President al-Niki of the Free Republic of Dictarabistan to Revodna this morning. The Presidents ate a hearty breakfast and discussed ways to increase the fraternal ties between our two great nations. In his opening remarks, President al-Niki thanked the people of Koskovia most sincerely for providing such consistent support during the war between Dictarabistan and its neighbor Fanatistan in Central Asia.

That war ended in 2006 after eight years with both sides returning to their original borders. Koskovia — long afraid of the growing power and influence of Fantistan in Central Asia — provided Dictarabistan with loans, military equipment, and intelligence capibilities. In return, Dictarabistan provides Koskovia with 90% of its cubic zirconia needs. President and Chairman Vladik has done all he can to maintain strong and permenent ties with Dictarabistan, to ensure the constant influx of cubic zirconia, the cornerstone of Koskovia’s domestic economy.

Following breakfast, the two Presidents addressed a joint meeting of their nations’ press corps, at which they received loud and thunderous applause.

Uncounted Numbers Around the World Praise Koskovia’s Free, Fair, Open and Transparent Elections!

A massive demostration by our Australian comrades paralyzed the streets of Canberra today. (NOTE: the sign about health-care in Australia in the background is from a non-related march that happened to occur at the same time as the pro-Koskovian rally.)

Brave comrades take to the streets in Los Angeles, USA, in support of Koskovian Democracy!

Uncounted numbers of comrades march in London to praise the Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia decision to hold free, fair, open and transparent elections on 31st December.

Revodna, 1 p.m. — The Ministry of Information’s Foreign Directorate today reported that untold thousands of Comrades around the world have spontaneously taken to the streets to show their support for the continuance of Koskovia Democracy. Comrades oppressed in the fasco-capitalist enemy nations of the United Kingdom and the United States — and other Western nations where cameras and television are banned (not pictured)— rallied support for our latest expression of true socialist democracy.

In response, President and Chairman Mladik Vladik thanked all the countless millions of comrades across the globe who poured into the streets to demonstrate their love of socialism, and the last remaining stronghold of European socialist democracy, our own Koskovia.

Foreign Minister Genaidi Zhukov praised these developments in his bi-annual press conference today, attended as always by the journalist of the Daily Truth. “The fact that hundreds of millions of brave comrades around the world have taken to the streets in highly organized spontaneous marches to show their support of our people is a clear symbol of the power of the Revolution, and of our Dear Leader, President and Chairman Mladik Vladik,” he said.

Vladimir Vladimirov, Minister for Relations with External Parties Sympathetic to the Ongoing Revolution in Koskovia, said: “Billions of citizens are supporting the only remaining European Socialist state by rallying to our cause in the view full of the worlds’ press, except in those many nations that have no cameras or television.”

North Korean Leader Congratulates Chairman Vladik!

Kim Jong-Il, Chairman of the National Defense Commission of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Supreme Commander of the North Korean People’s Army, and General Secretary of the Korean Workers’ Party*

Revodna, 11am — North Korean Dear Leader and Staunch Ally of Koskovia, Kim Jong-Il, today sent President Vladik a message of congratulations on his decision to stand for reëlection for his seat in the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies on 31st December. In a telegram released to the press by the DPRK embassy in Revodna, Dear Leader Kim said:

The People of the DPRK and their Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il extend warmest congratulations to our dear friend and ally, President and Chairman Mladik Vladik, on his decision to seek reëlection to the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies on 31st December 2005. We hope that the people of his constituency, Vladikia City, will see the wisdom of returning him to his seat with an increased majority — somewhere in the neighborhood of 150% of the vote would be just great. As per usual, the DPRK will be pleased to send an Election Observer that will prove the free, fair, open and transparent nature of the upcoming election to the fasco-capitalist warmongers in America and Europe who seem to have an unhealthy obsession with such things. Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il earnestly hopes that that all registered voters in Koskovia will remember to bring all of the necessary identification papers to the polling stations to avoid being turned away and followed home by the State Security Service.

President and Chairman Vladik expressed his warmest thanks to Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il for his kind message. Speaking to the journalist from The Daily Truth earlier today, President and Chairman Vladik said:

“It is very kind for my dear friend and ally Kim Jong-Il to send me such a kind note while I prepare to contents the upcoming election. The North Korean Election Observer will of course be joined by comrades from Cuba, Vietnam and China, as usual, who are certain to prove the free, fair, open and transparent nature of the upcoming election to the fasco-capitalist warmongers in America and Europe who seem to have an unhealthy obsession which such things. It was also very kind for Dear Leader Kim to remind all the registered voters in Koskovia to remember to bring all of the necessary identification papers to the polling stations to avoid being turned away and followed home by the State Security Service.”His message could only have been better had he remembered to remind all the registered voters in Koskovia that failure to vote is a violation of the Act to Ensure that All Registered Voters in Koskovia Vote When Voting in a New Election is Needed [1996] and subject to a fine of Lk938,383,844,223 and/or ten years in a Happy-Joy Labor Camp. But it was still a great message. Really. Just a super message from a great guy.”

Dear Leader Kim’s message arrived only moments after the Minister of Foreign Affairs reached an extensive trade deal with North Korea. In exchange for 10,000 bushels of wheat and 20,000 cords of wood from Koskovia, North Korea will send 2 transistor radios, a 1945 Dodge Tractor, 4 puppies, and 10,000 pictures of Dear Leader Kim Jong-Il.

[*Editor's note: This is Kim Jong-Il's actual title, copied word for word from his entry on Wikipedia.]