Some Leading Deputies Ask Tetrikov To Step Aside

Revodna, 3 p.m. — Certain leading members of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies have called upon Acting President/Chairman/Deputy President Yvonne Tetrikov to step down in favor of the almost-recovered Deputy President Kulik and “return to our normal constitutional system.”

Acting President/Chairman Tetrikov, however, has refused. “A significant number of Deputies have privately asked me to stay on as long as is necessary, until both President Vladik and Deputy President Kulik are fully recovered.”

The Congress held five votes today, but were unable to resolve the issue after furious negotiations behind the scenes. [One vote, in which 297 deputies voted in favor of Tetrikov stepping down, was invalidated by the Acting President/Speaker herself on a technicality and is thus not included in the total valid votes taken.]

The first vote had 100 deputies in favor of Tetrikov stepping aside, 100 against, and 98 abstentions.

The second vote: 140 in favor; 140 against; 18 abstentions.

The third vote: 145 in favor; 145 against; 8 abstentions.

The fourth vote: 147 in favor; 143 against; 8 abstentions (thus no majority achieved)

The fifth vote: 149 in favor; 141 against; 8 abstentions (thus no majority achieved)

Although those in favor of the Acting President stepping aside won a plurality of votes thrice, Tetrikov announced that she would not step aside unless a majority of all of the Deputies voted in favor of such a move.

“The people do not want me to step aside,” she proclaimed from the Speakers’ Chair during the lull between the fourth and fifth votes, “and I shall not until the time is right.” When asked when the time will be right, she replied: “When I decide it is. I am the Acting President, and my 35 years of government service tell me to stay where I am for now.”

Frustrated pro-stepping aside deputies have called upon the so-called “Super Deputies” to help decide the issue. Super Deputies are former members of the Congress; provincial governors; former cabinet ministers; and members of the Completely Independent and Totally Legitimate Supreme Constitutional Court. It is unclear when and if these Super Deputies will weigh in, although some have privately expressed the opinion that Tetrikov should go.

Vasili Yakovlev, the Minister of Industry from 3:00 p.m. until 3:17 p.m. on December 12, 2007 — and a close ally of Deputy President Kulik — demanded that Acting President Tetrikov obey the will of the plurality of the Congress, in their capacity as representatives of the whole Koskovian people.

Tetrikov refused, but was unable to give a convincing answer as to the legitimacy of her case.

Even the cabinet is deadlocked: her close ally Georg Ulianov, Minister of ForInDef (that is, he is Foreign Minister, Interior Minister, and Defense Minister) cast his 3 votes in support of her decision. The other 3 cabinet ministers voted in favor of her stepping aside.

It is now unclear if those cabinet ministers will remain in office.

The former Minister of Trade Ruslan Rakov commented that Tetrikov “must recognize reality. She doesn’t have the numbers in her favor to win.“

This story is ongoing. Stay tuned for updates.

Workers Endorse Acting President

The Chairmen of Koskovia’s six five major labor unions met this afternoon and after a brief meeting passed a resolution endorsing the recent actions taken by Acting President Tetrikov in preserving the security of the PFDRK.
photo © KosPhoto 2008

Hall of Workers’ Triumphs in Forwarding the Revolution, Revodna, Noon — Leaders of Koskovia’s six five major trade unions today passed a resolution praising the efforts of Acting President Tetrikov in maintaining the security of the state during the convalescence of President and Chairman Vladik and Deputy President and Deputy President Kulik.

The resolution read:

We the representatives of the Revolutionary Workers of the Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia hereby endorse the actions of Acting President Tetrikov since taking office six weeks ago. Comrade Tetrikov has shown a true commitment to the Revolution and to the working class of Koskovia in securing our future. We praise her for her recent appointments to government positions and pursuing policies necessary for the defense of the Revolution.

We further hope for the speedy recovery of President Vladik. Oh, and Deputy President Kulik.

The union leaders pictured above are (from left to right, starting at bottom row):
- Georgi Spaztikov, Chairman of the All-Koskovian Writers, Columnists, Journalists and Steel Workers Revolutionary Trade Union
- Sergei Nabokov, First President of the Revolutionary Trade Union (Red Banner) of Philosophers, Pet Groomers and Plastic Workers
- Nikoli Rashkulnikov, Guild Master of Communist Artisans and Revolutionary Atomic Energy Plant Workers (First Class)

- Sasha Slinki, Chief Revolutionary Sergeant Major of the All-Koskovian Federation of Enlisted Members of the Armed Services and Bakery Workers.
- Mikhail Gorbinki, Head of the Socialist and Revolutionary Film Writers, Directors and Actors (Political, Social, Family and Adult Sections) Trade and Labor Union Federation Congress.

Not pictured: Boris Spitzkov, First Chairman of the Revolutionary Lawyers and Academicians Guild.

UPDATE: Boris Spitzkov did not attend the meeting due to a prior bullet hole in the head.

UPDATE: The Revolutionary Lawyers and Academicians Guild has been dissolved and merged with the Armed Forces and Bakery Workers Federation.

President and Deputy President Found!

Revodna, 5 p.m. — Six weeks following the terrorist attack against the Presidential estate lodge on Lake Koskovia, the Minister of the Interior has announced the press that both President Vladik and Deputy President Kulik have been found alive!

Both were discovered after tons of rubble were removed from the entrance to the underground “safe room” in which both had hidden.

Both were injured. President Vladik’s left arm and left leg were broken in the initial attack; Deputy President Kulik then carried the President to the safe room. During that maneuver, Kulik was badly burned on his right thigh.

Both were taken immediately upon their rescue to the PFDRK Revolutionary Triumph Special Party Hospital No. 7 outside of Revodna. Doctors are unsure at this moment when Vladik and Kulik will be able to return to duty. The doctor attending President Vladik, appointed as Head of Administration of Hospital No. 7 only yesterday, has suggested that both men face a long and difficult recovery, not only because of their injuries but because of malnutrition and dehydration.

Upon hearing the news, Acting President/Chairman/Speaker Tetrikov went immediately to their bedsides and promised to carry on in their name as long as was necessary. She urged both men not to rush their recovery.