PFDRK Marches Triumphantly Into 2008!

Revodna, Noon — Speaking before the year-end meeting of the Communist Party of Koskovia this morning, Deputy President and Vice-Chairman Josef Kulik reviewed the great successes achieved by the PFDRK in 2007.

“Under the guidance of President and Chairman Vladik, we have reduced the size of government and streamlined operations; we have extended our contact with friendly nations and celebrated the triumphs of true democrats around the world.“

He vowed that greater triumphs would follow in the New Year:

“We aim to continue down the road to true Socialism in 2008!” he proclaimed to thunderous applause. “We will defeat our great enemy Dictarabistan and grind them into the dust! We shall prevail!”

Yuri Salnikov, a member of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies, asked Deputy President Kulik for an update on the health and well-being of President and Chairman Vladik.

Kulik responded: “President and Chairman Kulik, ah, Vladik, continues to improve, although he has suffered a few minor setbacks in recent days. His doctors — who just this morning went on vacation and thus cannot be reached for comment — assured me that the President will be able to resume his duties by the end of January.”

His comments were greeted with thunderous applause.

Article Praising Deputy President Published

Revodna, 4 p.m. — “Deputy President Josef Kulik of Koskovia, Illustrious Commander Born of Heaven,” an article published by the “German Citizens’ Committee for the Study of Josef Kulik,” was posted on the Internet homepage of the Solidarity for Implementing the East-West Joint Declaration on December 29th.

The article praised him as the most benevolent general who leads the people with trust and love.

Noting that “he is possessed of the disposition of loving and valuing man, the article in its first part says his outlook on the people whereby he thinks of man first of all, placing him in the center in every work, was formed already in his childhood under the tender care of his parents, true friends of the Koskovian Revolution.”

The article in its second part highly praises Kulik as the most benevolent general who shows boundless love for the people.

Noting that he always said more importance should be attached to man than money in every work and no money should be spared in the work for the working people, the article says: “In Koskovia his politics is regarded as politics of love and the embrace of the Communist Party of Koskovia as mother’s embrace.”

The article in its third part says Kulik is pursuing the True Socialist line by uniting the Peoples’ Army of Koskovia with his deepest trust and love.

Stressing that Koskovian Socialist politics today is immediately his politics of trust and love, the article says this political mode has brought forth the single-minded unity of the army and people more powerful than the nuclear bomb. The article in its fourth part notes that he has glorified the era of independence with comradeship.

He is the paragon of comradeship and the great man possessed of love, the most benevolent general of humankind who is most prudent in dealing with the issue of human destiny and remains responsible for it to the last, stresses the article.*

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*Another gem from North Korea!

Joint Work By Kulik and Vladik Celebrated

Revodna, 1 p.m. — A seminar was held at the Central Youth Hall Thursday to mark the 25th anniversary of the publication of President Vladik’s famous work “On Increasing Obedience to Socialist Laws,” recently updated by Deputy President Kulik.

The work clarifies that it is the obedience to the socialist laws for all members of the society to work and live as required by laws and regulations instituted by the socialist state and explains the position of the socialist laws in the obedience to laws.

The seminar heard papers proving in depth the validity and vitality of the ideas and theories expounded by Kulik and Vladik in the work and explaining the issues arising in increasing the obedience to the socialist laws.

The speakers said that the work provides ideological and theoretical guidelines for consolidating the state social system and powerfully pushing forward the revolution and construction in the PFDRK as it specifies the fundamental mission of the socialist laws and duty to be fulfilled by law-enforcement officials and comprehensively indicates the orientation of increasing the obedience to the socialist laws with the revolutionary spirit and fighting trait displayed by the servicepersons of the Koskovian People’s Army as examples and ways to do so.

Kulik and Vladik in the work scientifically and theoretically formulated and systematized the idea of President Vladik on obedience to socialist laws and developed it in depth as required by the Revolutionary era, thus helping all members of society abide by the socialist laws with high revolutionary and voluntary spirit and a high sense of organization and discipline.

The speakers explained practical issues arising in increasing the obedience to the socialist laws so as to strictly abide by law and order of the state and give full play to the advantages of the system whereby to guide the obedience to the socialist laws.

Present at the seminar were Deputy President Josef Kulik, members of the socialist law observance guidance committees of different levels, officials of juridical organs, law-enforcement officials and explainers of law observance, teachers and researchers of universities.

The session closed with thunderous applause for Deputy President Kulik.

Oh, and President and Chairman Vladik as well.
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Adapted from North Korean Central News Agency, the greatest humor site on the entire interweb!

Congratulations Sent to Putin

Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin casts his ballot in the completely free, fair, open and honest Russian parliamentary elections over the weekend.  Any suggestion that President Putin presided over rigged elections, or hopes to become a dictator, are completely false and scurrilous.  No matter what the evidence might suggest!

Revodna, 12:30 p.m. — Today First Deputy President and Vice-Chairman Josef Kulik dispatched the following telegram to Russian President Vladimir Putin, congratulating him his electoral victory over the weekend.