Needed Changes to Law Enacted

Revodna, 8 p.m. — At a full meeting of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies late this afternoon, Vice-Chairman and First Deputy President Josef Kulik proposed certain changes to Koskovian Acts and Statutes. The Executive Committee approved the proposals and have sent them on to the Congress for switch enactment.

The acts and statutes affected are:

• The Act of Executive Succession (1989), Section 139(A), Paragraph 87(F), Line 16, Word “may” to “must.”
• The Statute of Authority of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies (1978), Section 55(C), Paragraph 2(A), Line 54, phrase “…authority will devolve…” to “…authority will not devolve…”
• The Act Concerning the Proper Procedure for the Calling of a Full Session of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies to Convene as a Constitutional Convention (1982), Section 33(G), Paragraph 44(E), Line 889, phrase “…by sole authority of the President of the Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia…” to “by the joint authority of the President and First Deputy President of Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia…”
• The Act Concerning the Proper Role in Government of the First, Second, Third and Fourth Deputy Presidents (1992) is repealed, replaced with The Act Abolishing the Positions of Second, Third and Fourth Deputy Presidents (2007).
• The introduction of the “Act to Relieve the Pressures of Daily Government on the President of the Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia and/or Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of Congress of the Peoples’ Deputies of the Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia” (2007).

According to Vice-Chairman and Deputy President Kulik, all thee suggested acts and revisions have the full approval of President and Chairman Mladik Vladik, still recovering from his recent colonoscopy at his summer home at Lake Koskovia.

UPDATE (8:17 p.m.): The Congress of Peoples’ Deputies has voted 298-2 to enact all of the suggested revisions.

UPDATE (8:19 p.m.): The Congress of People’s Deputies now has 298 members.

Vice Chairman Kulik Elected 1st Deputy President of the Republic

A full session of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies today elected Vice-Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee Josef Kulik to the additional post of First Deputy President of the PFDRK.

Revodna, 3 p.m. — Following the disappearance accidental suicide death of First Deputy President of the PFDRK Magda Yuskinko last evening, a full session of the Congress of Peoples’ Deputies today elected Vice-Chairman of the Executive Council Josef Kulik to the additional post of First Deputy President. His election to the post followed on the advice of President and Chairman Vladik, still recovering from a colonoscopy at his vacation home on Lake Koskovia.

Vice-Chairman Kulik last night visited President Vladik (after a brief visit with First Deputy President Yuskinko, shortly before she died. This visit, of course, had NOTHING TO DO WITH HER SUDDEN DEATH AND/OR DISAPPEARANCE). When word of the death of Yuskinko reached the President and Vice-Chairman, they agreed that the Vice-Chairman would take her place, while continuing in his role as Vice-Chairman of the Executive Council. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING UNUSAL GOING ON.

Following their private meeting, President Vladik handed Vice-Chairman Kulik a message to deliver to the CPD this afternoon, recommending his election. Following a brief debate in the Congress, during which the deputies debated just how wonderful Kulik is, a roll-call vote was taken and the deputies duly elected Kulik as the new First Deputy President. Kulik thanked the deputies profusely, and then fired the entire cabinet and cancelled the video uplink to President Vladik’s home which had earlier been arranged to hear from the President after Kulik’s completely legitimate election.

Apparently President Vladik is suffering from laryngitis.

Vice-Chairman Praises Pakistani Leader

Pakistani President General Pervez Musharraf, a true friend to liberty, freedom, and Koskovia!

Revodna, 7 p.m. — Vice-Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee Josef Kulik today offered his praise for the Paragon of Virtue, Friend to Democracy, and Great Liberator of His People President General Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan!This past weekend, the President General suspended the Constitution of Pakistan in an effort to combat the terrorist judges of the Pakistani Supreme Court.

The President General assured the Vice-Chairman that under no circumstances did he take this action to forestall the impending nullification of the recent presidential election, as alleged in the decadent and racist western press. Naturally, the Vice-Chairman took the President General at his word.Indeed, there are lessons to be learned from the actions of the President General.

The Vice-Chairman reiterated the need to keep strict control over “activist judges” in Koskovia, who occasionally attempt to enforce the law in contradiction to the wishes of the government! Such a situation is, of course, absurd and must be guarded against at all times. We Koskovians, true friends to Pakistan, thank the Pakistani leader for such a lesson!

Pakistani police restore law and order to an illegal meeting of terrorist judges (at the Pakistani Supreme Court Building).