2006 September « The Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia

NATIONAL PROFILE

• The Peoples' Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia is a small nation nestled deep in some snowy mountains somewhere.

• When the other European members of the great Communist brotherhood abandoned communism in 1989, Koskovia alone stood strong under the direction of the Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of Peoples' Deputies, Mladik Vladik.

• In 1995, the Koskovian people voted 99.9% to award Chairman Vladik the additional title of President of the Republic in a free, fair, open, honest, and transparent election, overseen by observers from North Korea, China, Cuba, and Vietnam. The .1% who voted against the measure were resettled in North Korea, China, Cuba and Vietnam, and we presume they are happy and prosperous. But we haven't heard back. Not even a postcard.

•In 2007, the Congress of Peoples' Deputies elevated Vice-Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee Josef Kulik to the office of Deputy President by a vote of 298-2.

• The capital of Koskovia, Revodna, does not appear on any maps for security reasons.

• The national currency, the Lik, is currently pegged to the Euro at 1:1,948,390,875. The smallest currency unit of the Lik (Lk) is 1,000,000,000. The Central Bank beleives that the more zeros a currency has, the more important it is.

• The current flag (pictured above) was adopted by the Congress of Peoples' Deputies on January 2, 1995. The main change was the addition of the sun emblem, and the removal of the hammer and sickle. It occured to the Deputies that no one in Koskovia used either a hammer or a sickle, but every citizen enjoyed the sun. Except the vampires.

• Weather conditions in Koskovia are hard to predict, but there are typically 5 days of bright sunshine, and 355 days of snow and/or sleet in a given year.

• As per Directive 78-B-94 of the Central Calendar Committee, the PFDRK does not recognize January 8, April 22, June 17, September 1, or November 9. The existence of these days is considered bourgeois fasco-capitalist propaganda.

POLITICAL LEADERSHIP

EXECUTIVE:

President of the Republic: Mladik Vladik

Deputy President of the Republic: Josef Kulik

LEGISLATIVE:

Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of Peoples' Deputies: Mladik Vladik

Vice-Chairman of the Executive Council of the Central Committee of the Congress of Peoples' Deputies: Josef Kulik

JUDICIAL:

Chief Justice of the Completely Independent and Totally Legitimate Supreme Constitutional Court: Vacant (interim Chief Justice: Mladik Vladik)

ARMED FORCES:

Chairman of the Joint Military Command Council: Grand Field Marshal Nicolai Ryzkov

Vice-Chairman of the Joint Military Command Council: Supreme Generalisimo Mladik Vladik

Deputy Vice-Chairman of the Joint Military Command Council: Generalisimo Josef Kulik

New Palace of the People Complete!

22 September 2006 — Minister of Information

Revodna, 7 p.m. — Construction on the new Palace of the People finished this evening! This glorious triumph of socialist planning and architecture will from now on be the home of the President and Chairman of the Republic. As both positions are currently held by Mladik Vladik, he and his family will, for the forseeable future, be the only residents.

The Palace, however, is the property of all citizens of Koskovia, and its doors will be flung open on Saturday, 22 September, from 3 p.m. to 3:10 p.m. for any citizen-owner to view his or her new official home!

President and Chairman Vladik has pledged to keep the property well-maintained, and has put up a 587,004,736 lik security deposit in the Koskovia Central Banking House.

Posted in Domestic Affairs, Power to the People. Leave a Comment »

The Peoples’ Free Democratic Republic of Koskovia

NATIONAL PROFILE

NATIONAL FACTS

POLITICAL LEADERSHIP

New Palace of the People Complete!

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